


Holding on with a Broken Heart

by PhantomKeith



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Blood, M/M, Pre-Game Oma Kokichi, Pre-Game Saihara Shuichi, References to Depression, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 09:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14398824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomKeith/pseuds/PhantomKeith
Summary: Shuichi Saihara the Ultimate detective lost all his will after the 5th class trial.He lost a friend and ... his crush.When he finds himself in said crush's room and finds a very personal item, the young detective can't help himself, his curiosity takes over.What does he find, what doesn't he find, does he get awnsers or no?





	Holding on with a Broken Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Notes will be at the end of the story

There he was. Saihara Shuichi was walking across the halls of the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles, weight on his chest each step he took. He and the remaining survivors of the fifth class trial that been held were all sad, but none of them were sadder then him. Shuichi had lost his best friend, and ... his crush.

Saihara had never told anyone about who he was in love with since he was too shy and couldn’t handle being rejected, the only person he had ever come close to tell his crush was none other than the person that helped him open up, Kaede Akamatsu.

The detective had told her that he didn’t liked her, _like that_ and told her that he liked guys, and to his surprise she didn’t threaten him or anything, it was the complete opposite, she was understanding and was cheering him on to get together with his crush, but like any other person, she was curious and did try to make Shuichi tell her who he was in love with. God he misses her.

Akamatsu’s positivety gave light to the Academy but when she was executed that light almost died with her. It was around that time that Shuichi’s feelings started to become too strong to hold back. Sure, he was overwhelmed with the saddness of losing Akamatsu but to his surprise the infamous liar that was Ouma was the first to come to his side and try to  cheer him on.

Shuichi didn’t notice until his body automatically stopped in front of one of the sixteen doors of the dorms. He looked up and saw the pixilated picture that hanged above the door. The picture was grey with a red ‘X’ covering it, but he realized whose room it was. His subconscious had brought him to the room of his crush, Kokichi Ouma.

Saihara felt like crying, he didn’t even had the chance to tell Ouma how he felt, he kept telling himself ‘I can’t tell him now’ ‘It’s too soon to tell him’ ‘He’ll probably lie’ ‘He can’t love me’ ... but now ... now he was regretting himself ... Ouma was dead, and there was no way he could tell him any of that ... Ouma was dead and Saihara was drowing in a pool made of his own despair ... Ouma was dead because Shuichi was dumb enough to believe that he was the mastermind ... Shuichi wanted that crushing feeling he had to just end him.

His mind kept being filled with awful thoughts about how weak and worthless he was or how anyone would want to befriend him or even love him. His despair was quickly washed away by a memory.

 

* * *

Ouma was playing the knife game and he had injured himself. Shuichi almost fainted with worry but he didn’t allowed himself to, he went to grab a few medical supplies from the Academy and quickly came back to Ouma to tend his wounds. Those minutes he spent taking care of his wound made him feel like the two actually were a couple, he could have even sworn that he saw a blush forming on Ouma’s face, but that was, probably, only his mind playing a trick on him ... right?

Once he was done Ouma brought his hand to his face as he examined the tended wound and his eyes beamed “Woooow, my beloved Saihara-chan is good at this, I can’t wait to make you mine by marrying you” Shuichi’s face lit up.

“M-M-Marry me?”

“Nishishi, that was a lie, there is no way I would ever want to marry Saihara-chan” he told him while wearing that annoying grin he pulled making Saihara feel sad but he tried to hide it.

“Or was that a lie?”

“Huh?”

“Did I lie about not wanting to marry you, or did I lie about the lie, its your job to find out Mr Detective” he told him with a playful tone, he then winked at Saihara making him blush again as he left rather fast.

 

* * *

The memory was ... sweet, at least for Shuichi, a small smile made its way to his lips as he recalled how cheerful Ouma used to be ... or was that also a lie ... he couldn’t tell anymore, Ouma was dead afterall, but whenever Shuichi was with the Supreme Leader he ... was different, he seemed more honest but still a liar.

Shuichi’s eyes once again were focused on the door. He wanted to go inside, he wanted to be where Ouma stayed most of his time, he wanted to recall his scent, but ... would that be invading his privacy ... he was dead afterall, and all rooms of deceased students stayed open for each of the survivors to use.

He debated for a few more seconds until something inside of him gave him the push he needed. His hand rested on the handle, hesitating for a bit before twisting the handle and opening the door.

 

* * *

Once inside he could smell it, it was the same perfume Ouma used to wear, for some reason he would always use this sweet smelling perfume after something good involving him and Shuichi had happened ... maybe he was just happy for something going well?

The detective moved inwards and was met with a somewhat messy room, oh who was he kidding, it was a messy room, _stacks of papers across the floor, crates near the whales, a set of Ouma’s clothes over the bed, a handing effigy of Amami-kun more papers across the tab—wait what_ he said to himself as he wondered why Ouma had brought Amami’s effigy to his room.

His attention left the effigy once he noticed a bright purple piece of paper on the desk and something told Shuichi that whatever it was it seemed important.

He made his way to the desk and read what was there.

 

_FOR THE EYES OF MY BELOVED SAIHARA-CHAN!_

 

Shuichi felt his heart skip a beat, it always did whenever Ouma would address him as ‘beloved’ but ... why did Ouma left him a letter for him? He took the first piece of paper to find another, equally as purple, paper there.

 

_SERIOUSLY, IF YOU’RE NOT SAIHARA-CHAN STOP HERE!_

 

A chuckle escaped his lips, even through paper and being dead, Ouma managed to make Shuichi laugh. He again removed the paper and found, yet again, another pruple piece of papper.

 

_HEY. STOP. NOW. THIS IS ONLY FOR MY BELOVED ... AND IT’S FOR HIM TO READ AFTER I DIE!_

 

Now it was just getting annoying, his hand hesitated before removing the third piece of paper, but yet he did and found another paper, only this time it was folded in two.

Saihara grabbed it, oppened it and began reading to himself.

 

_Ah, my beloved Saihara-chan~  
If you are reading this then I am most likely dead, if I’m not HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE AND GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY STUFF!_

 

The detective sighed, even while dead Ouma had to express his drama through a letter.

 

_Nishishi~ Just kidding. I know my beloved would never, and I mean never, get inside my room without permission, you’ll probably be reading this if I told you to come here after I died_

 

Shuichi felt a shiver running down his spine, he came inside of Ouma’s room uninvited and there was probably a ghost there pissed off at him ... that is, Shuichi had to believe in ghosts to believe there was a ghost in the room, but the logic side of his head told him that ghosts didn’t exist, even after seeing Shinguji’s ghost, he just couldn’t believe it.

 

_I am really sorry my beloved Saihara-chan.  
I probably died trying to stop this stupid killing game, and if you’re here reading this letter then ... I failed ... please punch Momota-chan in the ribs and tell him ‘Kokichi will get his revenge for you being such an idiot’_

 

It seemed like Ouma had written the letter before he had proclaimed to be the mastermind of that awful game.

 

_Nishishi~ That was a lie, not the revenge part or the punch in the ribs, but the message, I wanna haunt him while he is off guard._

_Saihara-chan, I know how hard you’re trying for everyone, and I’m not gonna ask you to try harder, keep doing what you’re doing.  
You probably think that’s a lie too but ... I’m not lying ... not this time at least._

_You may also be thinking something among the lines ‘Why did Ouma wrote me a letter’ or ‘What’s the point of this letter’_

_To awnser that, can’t I just writte a letter to a friend_

 

Those words stung the detective’s heart but, he noticed that when Ouma had written ‘friend’ it seemed ... trembled.

 

_... I was never someone great at writing letters but, I do want you to know this my beloved, I know you can do it, and I do believe in you.  
You might’ve not think about me this way but, I really did enjoy being with you, you were the best friend I could’ve asked for._

Again ‘friend’ seemed trembled but the rest of the letter didn’t.

_And I know it is selfish of me to ask this of you but ... please, my beloved, win ... win this game, defeat the mastermind, I am counting on you._

_With love for my beloved Shumai_

_~Kokichi Ouma~_

_PS: I noticed I forgot to write this but, I didn’t lie about enjoying being with you my beloved ... for once I should’ve told you the truth about how I felt ... actually nevermind that, bye bye Saihara-chan, don’t let me down.  
Nishishi._

 

Tears fell into the paper. Shuichi couldn’t stop himself. Knowing that Ouma really enjoyed him and trusts him to end this made him happy, he feels himself wishing that whatever Ouma didn’t tell him would be his love for him, but Shuichi knew better then to defy lady Luck.

Remembering now that the door was open for anyone he wiped off the tears he had rolling down his face, he was about to move towards the door until another purple item caught his attention.

Under Ouma’s bed was a small book with a lock, _Ah, is this Ouma’s diary?_ he stopped himself before grabbing the book. Now Shuichi knew that he had already invaded the room, even if Ouma was dead he felt bad by entering, and now he was considering taking what seemed to be a very personal item of Ouma with him.

He didn’t give it a second thought as he selfishly grabbed the book ran outside, he ran through the hall and entered his own room.

He _had_ to know what Ouma had wrote, Ouma fascinated him, Ouma used his tiny and thin fingers and stole Shuichi’s heart, Ouma constantly played with him by calling him his beloved or even sometimes saying he loved him and then brushing it off by saying that it was a lie, but this time, Shuichi would find the truth, all he had to do was open the boo- ... _Shit_ he cursed to himself as the book wouldn’t open, he needed a key.

Knowing Ouma, he probably had the key with him at all times so ... the key was either down a drain or crushed alongside his beautiful body.

Once again, when he was about to give up, another memory hit him.

 

* * *

He, Ouma and Yumeno were standing in front of the lab of the Ultimate Artist, Yonaga Angie. The group tried time and time again to make her open the door but were met with silence.

Ouma, seeing they were going nowhere, revealed that he could pick the lock of the door. He took a few tools he brought with him and began tempering with the lock of the door.

“Nyeh, hurry up Ouma, I’ve got a bad feeling about this” the mage instructed him.

“Yumeno-san I don’t think we should be trying to force Ouma-kun to go faster, things like these probably take time”

Both stopped talking as they looked at the smaller boy, and then Ouma withdrew himself from the lock and looked at the two.

“Woooow, I didn’t know Saihara-chan was looking at my ass, quite a pervert if you ask me” the detective’s blood quickly made its way to his face.

“O-Ouma-kun!”

“Nyeh, don’t ignore me you gay midget! And did you manage to open the door!” Ouma casualy placed his hands behind his head and looked at the mage from the corner of his eye.

“Huh, oh the door, yeah I got it to unlock, and also, Saihara-chan, that was a lie, there is no way you’d ever be looking at me, nishishi~” Suichi averted to look at the smaller boy as the trio went into the lab.

 

* * *

_That’s it!_ he realized. If Ouma had those tools to pick locks then he must have had a extra set in his room somewhere.

With that new hope, Shuichi bolted from his room and made his way towards the Supreme Leader’s lab, not noticing the assassin surprised by his new found will.

Once again he was in the room, and this time Shuichi was going to search top to bottom until he found what he wanted and if there was anything else that was worth him finding.

He began by searching Ouma’s bed, finding nothing under the sheets or under the bed itself, he moved to his desk and found more of those child like drawings he did alongside some blueprints of childish items, he noticed Ouma’s whiteboard and found out that the boy didn’t find anyone trustworthy, other than himself.

Shuichi’s heart skipped a beat but he had no time to actually let himself be overwhelmed by the feeling. The rest of the room was filled with stacks of paper and crates and he couldn’t help but wonder how the hell did Ouma managed to live there.

The detective noticed that the bathroom wasn’t as filled as the rest of the room and moved there, he found nothing worth it, so he exited back into the room again.

Looking around he only had the closet and many crates to check, he decided on checking the former and he found many copies of Ouma’s outfit, but he noticed among all the white clothing there was a darker one that was surely not Ouma’s, he removed and he had no doubt, it was his outfit.

Whatever might’ve been the reason for Ouma to have his outfit was beyond Shuichi. He tried to find anything else in the closet but the result was the same, he closed it and got ready for the most tedious part of his mission.

He started checking the crates, one by one and at the same time making sure he wouldn’t make a bigger mess then what it already was.

The detective kept checking each crate and wondered how such a small and childish person like Ouma could have that many crates, and all filled.

After checking all crates, Shuichi was about to open the last one, inside there were some papers as usual, Ouma’s spare keycard, and two tiny rectangular steel cases.

The detective opened one without hesitation and inside he found the familiar tools Ouma used to pick locks, he got up and rushed to his room again, and once again not noticing the assassin who was on the hallway.

 

* * *

Once on his room he placed the case on his bed alongside Ouma’s diary, he took the tools and tried to open the lock. He failed time and time again, but each of those times he felt like he was getting closer and closer to unlocking the journal.

“... Ouma-kun” his hand went to his pocket and pulled out Ouma’s checkered scarf holding it close to his heart. The detective was starting to break down again, he remembered how they had found Ouma’s body, his failed attempts to confess and how sometimes he was so mean to the smaller boy, tears began to form at his eyes.

“Nishishi, is my beloved Saihara-chan giving up already?” Shuichi’s head quickly turned to where he heard the voice, it was Ouma, he smiled at Saihara and vanished. The detective assumed that his head was pranking him, but that was also what he needed to grow motivated again.

Using what he learned from his failed attempts he tried again on the lock of the diary, he slowly moved the tools in his hands, trying his best not toe do ones of the mistakes he had before, he was so sure he’d fail but then he heard a almost inaudible sound, a click.

He grabbed the cover of the book and opened it. Once he realized he had actually opened the book, the air he was holding inside of his lungs came out as a long sigh.

Saihara began reading each entry his crush had wrote, the book went as far as day 1 they had been trapped in that hell.

Throughout the book he read how stupid some of his class mates were, how dumb the killing game was, Ouma’s undying hate for Monokuma and the kubs, and alot of entries that were filled with childish remarques about daily events.

Shuichi started to speed reading until he found something that Ouma had kept hidden.

Shuichi read how sad Ouma was for Akamatsu’s death, how creepy he thought Shinguji was, how Angie totally lost it with her Atua shit, how he fell in love, how Ouma’s days felt bori- _wait what was that_ he had grown bored but snapped back into reality.

 _Ouma fell in love?_ He rapidly turned the pages, trying to find, oh so desperately who Ouma was in love with.

 

_My love is so interesting_

_I never feel bored_

_How I want for him to kiss me_

 

 _Wait him?_ He told himself as he felt his hopes rising slightly, Ouma liked men so, there was a small possibility that Ouma actually liked him, but he brushed off that idea, Ouma had said that he didn’t liked Saihara, he just liked teasing him.

 

_Today in the class trial my love was shining, he is so beautiul, but thats not the reason I love him, he’s smart, cautious, he cares about others, he tries to cheer me up even when I say I’m lying, he’s the only one that truly cares enough about me as to try and figure out if my lies are actually lies or not ... and, that touched my heart._

 

Shuichi’s heart was cracking.

 

_I don’t remember what happened, but I went to Hotel Kumasutra and ... my love was there ... after that I don’t recall what happened, but something did happen, the next day he was blushing whenever he looked or talked to me, it was so adorable but I didn’t try to force him to tell me, whenever he was ready he’d tell me, or I’ll give him the push._

 

Each word stabbed his heart more and more, Shuichi had been Ouma’s ideal, but knowing someone else also was Ouma's ideal made him sadder, but he had to know who Ouma loved.

 

_Today I got Gokuhara killed ... it wasn’t my intention ... after finding the truth, mercy killing everyone would be the best, but I couldn’t allow them to see me weak, I had to force myself to seem evil.  
Even my love got angry at me, Gokuhara was so kind after all that its no wonder he got angry and didn’t notice my lie ... but his words did stung me._

 

Tears rolled down Shuichi’s face and fell on the pages.

 

_I’ve got a plan, a plan that can not fail, thanks to Iruma I can now steal the spot of ‘mastermind’ and stop the killings, and I’ve gotta make it believable, or else my love will realize it ... I have to hurt him so that he can live on, but I do wish that if I end up dying-_

 

Of course, in such a important part, Ouma had to write on the next page, he flipped the page and the next few lines shocked him.

 

_I really do hope that my love, Shuichi Saihara can survive this hell._

 

Had he read that right ... did Ouma really write that his love was actually Shuichi Saihara??

The detective rubbed his eyes and looked again at the diary, and as unbelievable it was, it was true, Shuichi was Ouma’s secret crush.

Knowing that made the detective expect a wave of happiness to rush over him, but instead he was overwhelmed with grief.

Ouma died without knowing Shuichi loved him back, he died while everyone still believed he was evil on purpose, and worst of all, he died with no friends.

Shuichi hadn’t noticed but he was crying again, his loud sobs echoed on the room as he brought his knees to his chest while hugging Ouma’s letter, diary and scarf.

His sobs were so loud that he didn’t even notice his door room being pushed open by a worried female he had ignored the whole day.

“Shuichi” the voice trembled, as if surprised by seeing the boy breaking up like that.

The Detective looked at who had called him and saw Harukawa standing at the door, eyes wide as she approached the boy and kneeled beside him.

“M-Maki ...” He started to cry harder as he hugged the assassin, surprising her by the sudden action. She was about to push him away from her, but the way Shuichi looked, so frail, so weak, and in need of a friend, she knew that if she pushed him off her she would hurt him, not physically but emotionally, so instead of pushing him she rubbed his back.

From the corner of her eye she caught glimpse of the purple diary and the letter, once both were in hand she didn’t take long to realize the reason of why the detective was so broken.

“... You loved him didn’t you” she no longer rubbed his back.

“Hm?” he hummed, not moving from her.

“You loved that little brat, Ouma ... and you blame yourself for his death” she told him, annoyance could be heard on her voice.

“... Yes I did, p-please, d-don’t hate m-m-me because I love Ouma-kun” Shuichi thought that Maki would hit him, he thought she’d leave, he thought she’d never speak to him again, but there she was hugging him back.

“Shuichi, I don’t think anyone here would hate you for loving Ouma, sure he was a awful human being, a asshole, a prick a-“ she stopped herself before continuing to insult Shuichi’s love “... but, no one would blame you for loving him, in life you can’t choose who you want to fall in love with, the heart wants what the heart wants” Shuichi had to wonder if this was the same Maki Harukawa that he knew, since that was really odd for her to say.

“M-Maki-“ he stuttered “-why does it hurt s-so m-much” she could see the boy clutching his chest as the tears kept rolling down.

She took a deep breath before awnsering “Because it was real” the detective then kept crying until he cried himself to sleep, he had been crying so hard that Maki dragging him to his bed and tucking him did not woke him up.

 

* * *

Shuichi found himself on what seemed an infinite checkered room of white and black, a sound that seemed like breathing could be heard, from behind him there was a strong light, in front of him a dark never ending hall.

“Saihara-chan~” _that voice_ he looked back and there he saw none other than the plum haired male standing there with a worried forced smile on his face.

“O-O-Ouma-kun!” he began running towards him, he extended his hand towards the smaller male just for it to hit against what looked like a glass wall preventing him from actually touching the other young man. Seeing himself so close and yet so far made Shuichi repeatedly punch the glass wall hoping to break it.

“Saihara-chan ... stop, please” his eyes met Ouma’s.

“Honestly Saihara-chan, missing me that much that you actually are between life and death”

“Uh? Life and death? Ouma, please stop speaking nonsense!” the smaller male’s expression turned blank as their eyes met again.

“I’m not kidding Saihara-chan, this is serious, go back into the darkness, the longer you stay here to more likely you are to die” Shuichi shook his head.

“No, I don’t want to live anymore, after all what’s the point if I lost the one I love the most!” he confessed, the words echoed on the endless hall.

“You ... love me?” the Supreme Leader’s cheeks turned into a bright pink, contrasting against his sickly pale skin.

“~Nishishi~ You’re becoming a better liar Saihara-chan, but there’s no way you love me, and even if you did, why would I ever love yo-“

“I broke into your room” _Shit_ Ouma cursed lowly.

“I ... I opened your diary” _Double Shit_ he cursed again, hoping that Shuichi wouldn’t notice.

“I know you love me Ouma-kun, and I love you too, pl-“

“I don’t want to be together with you” he stated, again with his blank expression.

The detective knew the little liar was good, and right now he was really convincing, was he telling a perfect lie, if such even existed, or was he telling the truth?

“W-Why?” he stuttered as he believed the later.

“I don’t want you to give your life like this ... please Saihara-chan, go back, defeat the mastermind, save everyone, and live your life, don’t end your life please” the leader begged him.

Shuichi was about to argue back but Ouma didn’t let him “Promise me, promise me you’ll live your life ... for me” he just had to add that last part, Shuichi couldn’t deny him now, he ended up agreeing and was met with one of Ouma’s most beautiful and honest smiles.

The darkness in Shuichi’s side of the room began creping up to him “Ah, I see our time is finally coming to a short, good bye my beloved, and remember, no matter how long it’ll take, I’ll wait for you and I’ll always be with you, no matter what!” Ouma waved goodbye, but Shuichi could tell he was fighting back tears.

 

* * *

“Ouma-kun ...?” his eyes slowly opened, he was in his room, light shining through the window, had it all been a dream or not, Shuichi had no idea but, be it real Ouma or fake Ouma, after Ouma died he couldn’t deny a request to the Ouma of his dreams, and so he did.

He got out of bed and with a new determination, he exited the room, ready to end this game once and for all. Thankfully for him, Kibo began to attack the school with some gear he had probably found on his lab, that gave him and the others time to thoroughly investigate the school, they investigated Ouma’s lab, Amami’s lab, and with Kibo’s help, they investigated the mastermind’s room.

They took the new evidence to court, proving that Akamatsu had never killed anyone, they cornered the mastermind and forced them to reveal themselves. Tsumugi Shirogane, the Ultimate Cosplayer, revealed herself to be the one controlling the game.

Even after she revealed the truth behind the words ‘Dangan Ronpa’ Shuichi didn’t allow his will to falter, even when she revealed Saihara, Akamatsu and Momota how they were before joining the game, he didn’t give up, even after being cornered by her he did not give up, and with that undying will he turned the tables against Tsumugi, neither hope or despair won. Shuichi had won, he and the remaining students had slayed the beast that went under the allias of ‘Dangan Ronpa’ and the Ultimate Punishment executed by Kibo took place.

The Academy was destroyed, Tsumugi and Monokuma had been crushed to death, Kibo, the eyes of the outside world, committed suicide by self destroying himself after believing he had killed everyone, but he didn’t, Saihara, Yumeno and Harukawa removed themselves from the rubles of the Academy and stepped out of the infernal place.

 

* * *

Seventeen years passed since that day, Shuichi, Maki and Himiko were still together as they ran the biggest and most famous orphanage in the world. Shuichi contributed as being a kind male figure and the shinig star of the police force, all the kids wished to be like him, even the girls. Maki would normally just run the orphanage, she was kind and nice but she had a mean threatening side to her keeping everyone in check, even though she came out scary the kids knew she loved them all, Maki sometimes would even help Shuichi finding out criminals since with a glance she could figure out who a criminal was from their suspect list. Himiko, also ran the orpahange, and also ran a magic show there for the kids, even kids from famillies from outside the orphanage came alongside their famillies would come to watch her perform and, of course, they payed a generous amount of money to watch her perform.

The three had became quite important figures since the Academy, and fortunately for them, they changed quite a bit in appearence. Shuichi didn’t grew much, but he did allow his hair to grow till it his his lower back giving him a more femenine appearence, he also wore deep black eye contacts to hide his golden eyes; Maki didn’t grew a bit, she had her hair cut around her neck, she wore blue eye contacts and never again wore clothes that had red so that no one would see her in that red school outfit she used on the Academy; Himiko was an entirely different story, she had a growth spurt and now she was taller than Maki but still smaller than Shuichi, like shuichi she allowed her hair to grow till it hit her back and her breasts had also grown, so, from the three she was the most unrecognizable.

Night seemed to hit faster than usual, Himiko was already in bed sleeping, like all the other kids were, Maki was still up, awaiting at the entryway, Shuichi was arriving at the orphanage and once again entered his routine. He would greet Maki and wish her a goodnight as she locked the last unlocked door that led to the outside, then she would head to her room. Shuichi also went to his room, when he was there he dropped his briefcase and removed his blazer and instead of going to his bed he opened a closet door.

In there there were no clothes, there was nothing actually, only a chair facing Shuichi, his head slowly looked upwards and saw a noose he had tied there since he had started the orphanage. He climbed the chair, tied his neck on the noose and got ready to jump, but when he did.

“Saihara-chan ... please, don’t ...” Ouma’s sweet voice echoed in his mind, all of that had became his routine just so that he wouldn’t forget the Leader. He untied the noose, got off the chair and dropped in his bed and right before his eyes closed, he focused on Ouma’s scarf, letter and diary that he had promised Maki that he’d get rid of them, sleep overtook him as tomorrow would be a new day.

 

* * *

“Anzai-san” a female voice brought Shuichi out of his thoughts, Yuno Anzai was the name he was using to hide the fact he was once on Dangan Ronpa.

“Yes?” he asked, not moving his face from the papers he was working on.

“It’s already late, Natsumi and Tara are waiting for you downstairs” Natsumi Sakuraba and Tara Tsujimoto were, respectively, Maki and Himiko’s nickname.

“Oh, thank you, I forgot that we agreed to meet up, are you okay by finishing the rest all by your own?” he did not receive a vocal repply, only a nod and a hearthy smile from the younger woman.

 Once he exited the police station he noticed that it had began snowing again, and Shuichi loved the snow.

“There you are” he looked at the where the voice came from and saw a slightly annoyed Maki, and Himiko overjoyed as she played on the snow with some of the older children that accompanied them.

“I know you get involved in your work but I never imagined you would be so focused on it that you’d forget about us” she joked.

“Sorry M- Natsumi-san” he corrected himself before saying her real name.

“Yuno-kun!” wondering why Himiko sounded so worried, he looked at her and was tackled to the floor by the six children that came with her.

The group laughed as they saw the scene, the children were really happy to see Shuichi, since they couldn’t really see him that much, he left early when the sun wasn’t up and came back when they were all asleep, and being able to see him made them all very happy since they saw Shuichi as a father.

The group had some fun during the night since snowy nights were the favourite of them all, but eventually they returned to the orphanage to drop off the children.

 

* * *

Once they made sure everyone was asleep, Maki and Shuichi left to a nearby park and began discussing some important matters.

“Dangan Ronpa’s making a comeback” he choked on his coffee, for two reason, the fact that Maki’s voice clearly told she was pissed off, and the fact, popular killing game Dangan Ronpa that they tried so hard to defeat was returning.

After whipping his mouth he began “Why?” he sounded desperate “After what happened why is it coming back?”

She averted her gaze from Shuichi “Apparently, the crime rate has gone up so much that Dangan Ronpa is the only solution, and this time, to not repeat the mistake of V3, everything’s going to be on a virtual reality, the people get their killings and the players get their fame and get to stay alive ... and apparently, their throwing in money for how long you survive, if you manage to be the blackened and win, or to the winners of the game ... its really stupid”

They both sat in silence, until Shuichi broke it again “... Does Tara know?” Maki nodded sadly, that must’ve been the reason she wanted to stay back at the orphanage.

The two got up, not wanting to discuss that anymore, and they were met with three shaddy people.

“Well, Well, look what we have here, the matron of the most successful orphanage, Natsumi Sakuraba, and popular crime fighter Yuno Anzai” The two noticed how tense the air had grown, these individuals clearly had bad intentions.

“You’ve been screwing up everything we try to do Yuno Anzai-“ criminals, that’s the most likely of options of what they were “-so we’re here to put an end to you” the one who seemed to lead pulled out a knife, as did the rest of them.

Maki’s assassin side quickly took over as she got ready to fight the three “Yuno-san, please stay behind me” Shuichi did not, he stood side by side with her, since he joined the police force he had learned how to fend for himself on situations like these.

“Pffft” one of the goons began laughing “A orphanage matron, really, a matron is going to try and take us o-“ he was silenced by Maki’s fist meeting his troat, sending him to unconsciousness.

“You bitch!” Shuichi quickly moved to the one closest to Maki, he grabbed him the arm that held the knife and got behind him, then while he was like that he kicked him behind the knees forcing him to the floor and wrapped his other arm round his neck, trying to make him unconscious.

Maki, this time with a knife, slashed who she assumed to be their leader, who was rushing at her, on the hand cutting off his thumb. He screamed in agony but was silenced by Maki repeatedly punching him in the gut, and she only stopped when he did no more sounds and fell to his back.

Shuichi, got distracted, as he did not realize what the person he tried to fend off was doing “Good job Natsumi-sa-“ he stopped once he felt something sharp on his stomach, he began losing his strenght. The man bellow him flipped them over, and was now stabbing Shuichi over and over on the belly.

“SHUICHI!” Maki didn’t care if she had used his real name, she rushed to him and sliced the man on the neck, but not before the man shoved the knife deep into the left side of Shuichi’s chest.

 

* * *

He felt cold, his body was numb, he could barely hear the sounds around him, his vision was blured and he couldn’t see much, he allowed himself to close his eyes and drift to sleep, but as he did he heard perfectly the worried voice of many people telling him not to sleep. But he did, he fell asleep, he lost the strength to keep his eyes open.

Shuichi felt himself falling deeper and deeper in the darkness, it felt like he was going to be there forever until he found the strength to slowly open his eyes.

He found himself on a white room, he heard the constant sound of a beeping, _Am I in a hospital?_ Shuichi tried to get himself up, but the pain that came from his torso was too much and forced to fall back on the bed with a thud. Not knowing what to do, he pressed the ‘Call Nurse’ button near his bed, and when he did a nurse, followed entered the room, and after she got inside the room more people did, they were Shuichi’s.

Once they were all in there, Shuichi could see how worried they were and how much they cared for Shuichi, some even blamed themselves for what happened, but Shuichi quickly told them that it wasn’t their fault.

Once they had to leave, the room was once again invaded, but this time by the orphanage children, accompanied by Himiko and Maki. The children were really worried, most of them were crying and begging Shuichi that he wouldn’t die and leave them, it pained him to see them all like that.

After a while the children were forced out of the room so that Shuichi could talk in private with Maki and Himiko. He knew Maki blamed herself for what had happened, he just knew by her face. One look at Himiko and made him knew that she also felt like part of the blame was hers.

“Cmon now” he broke the silence “What’s with the long faces, what happened was because of my carelessness” he gave out a weak laugh.

“N-No” they were surprised by Maki’s low voice “It was my fault, I should’ve noticed what he did and save you, now you’re going to ...” tears rolled down her face, Shuichi caught what she meant.

“So ... I’m that badly damaged that I can’t be saved?” Himiko saw how Maki cried and took over for her.

“Shuichi ... The doctors said that its a miracle that you’re still holding on to life, if the criminal hadn’t stabbed you on the heart you would be fine but ... you need a heart transplant, and your position on the waiting list isn’t helping either ...” She stopped as she tried to think on the best way of keep talking without crying her eyes out.

Shuichi chuckled “I knew sooner or later, the dangers of my job would catch up to me ... so I took preparations for this day”

“Shuichi what’re you talking about” Maki, who had regained her composuer, asked him, feeling concerned to say the least.

“I have life insurance ... if I am to die in a way that’s not related to suicide then ... you two will receive a ... generous amount of money, it’ll be enough for the rest of your lifes and to keep the orphanage running” he was breathless, his wounds were clearly making it difficult for him.

“Shuichi! No!” It was rare to see Himiko scream those days “Don’t speak like you know you’re going to die ... please Shuichi, we don’t want to lose you”

He wanted to tell them that he longed death, he wanted to say he was ready to die, he wanted to say that this is what he’s been waiting for ... but, all he could think was the sad faces the children of the orphanage had, how sad his police force would be, and ... he could hear it, he could hear Ouma’s voice telling him to be strong and fight, that he had to live.

“I ...” he began “I will do my best to live through this” they knew Shuichi wasn’t lying, but Shuichi was only human, a mere human could defy death only for so long.

 

* * *

Two weeks after the incident, Shuichi finally couldn’t take it anymore, he died.

His funeral was held on the day after his death, a snowy day, just like the ones he loved so much. In his funeral there was the entire police force that he worked with, all of the children of the orphanage and his two best friends, Maki and Himiko.

“Mommy Natsumi, Mommy Tara, why did Daddy Yuno left us” one of the youngest children asked them, and they explained to her about life and death.

During the funeral, Maki noticed something weird about Himiko, her face was pale, like really pale, she seemed ... almost scared or surprised or a mix of the both. She looked at where Himiko was looking and shivers ran down the Ex-Assassin’s body.

There was a man with his hand on Shuichi’s coffin, but it wasn’t any man, the two knew him. Purple hair, very pale skin, white clothes, black and white checkered scarf, it was Kokichi Ouma.

He turned to both of them, a broken forced smile on his face, tears rolling down his face as he tried to stop them “T-Thank you ... f-f-for being w-with him e-even in the end” he told them while sobbing as he vanished mid-air ... even after so many years, Ouma’s spirit was still with Shuichi, and that made the two wonder if Ouma was really as much of a bad person as they thought he was.

 

* * *

He felt nothing, no pain but no comfort, he didn’t feel the ground but he didn’t feel himself falling, he didn’t feel the warm sun or the cool moon, he didn’t feel alive ... or dead.

Shuichi slowly opened his eyes, he didn’t know where he was, he noticed that his outfit was the same he used to wear when he was in the academy, he didn’t feel his contacts or his long hair, no, he was exactly how he was when he was at the Academy ... what the hell was going on.

“Awww maaaan” _that voice_ he turned around and saw Ouma pouting “I waited for my beloved Saihara-chan for so many years and he doesn’t even aknowledge my existance” he stopped his fake pouting and replaced it for a honest and warm smile as he extended his arms.

Shuichi didn’t need anything else, he ran at Ouma and embraced him, he was real, it wasn’t a dream, Ouma was there and it was real “Nishishi, did you miss me that much Saihara-chan?”

“Shuichi ...” he responded.

“Huh?”

“Call me Shuichi from now on Ouma-kun” their eyes met and Shuichi saw Ouma’s cheeks turn a deep red, it was adorable to see the boy like that.

“W-Well” he stutered before regaining his composure “If my beloved wants that, I guess I can’t help it, buuuut” he stopped for a bit as he watched Shuichi grow impatient “... You’ll have to call me Kokichi instead”

He cupped Ou- Kokichi’s face as he blushed harder “I guess that can be arranged, _Kokichi_ " before Kokichi had another change to speak, Shuichi closed the distance between them as he rested his lips on Kokichi’s. God, he wanted to do that for such a long time.

They wanted to stay like that forever, but soon they parted, Shuichi was now blushing, but Kokichi’s face was priceless, his entire face was red and it drew a chuckle out from Shuichi’s lips.

“Well, would you look at that, my beloved Shuichi has grown quite bold, kissing me like that and then proceeding to laugh about it, let’s see if you’ll laugh like that when we’re in bed” he gave out one of his ‘Nishishi’s’ as he watched Shuichi grow redder.

“K-Kokichi!” he gave a inocent smile towards the dective as if saying, ‘what did I do?’

Shuichi wanted to aks more things, but he soon noticed the place where they were at morfing, the two stood on a street, to their left there was a small field of flowers with a river, in those flowers stood out a boy in his school outfit.

“Kokichi were is th-“ a finger was placed in front of his mouth to shush him.

“Shhh Shuichi, don’t talk, just watch” he grabbed the detective’s face and brought him down for a nother kiss but this time more passionate than the innocent kiss they had shared before.

Then, Shuichi noticed, that field, it was so familiar ... he remembered.

 

* * *

On the field of flowers was a crying boy, it was clear that frm the way his uniform was he had been clearly beaten up by some punks.

His sobs filled the air.

“A-Are you okay?” a foreign voice to the purple haired boy asked. His knees were at his chest as he hid his face there, but when he moved his head to see where the voice came from, his heart skipped a beat.

The taller boy approached him and kneeled beside him, and now that he was closer to him he could see how beautiful and dorable the boy was.

“What’s in it for you” the beated boy asked.

“Nothing, I’m just concerned about you, it’s not everyday I just find a adorable boy like you crying all alone” the other raised his head again.

“Y-You find me adorable?” the taller flinched as he blushed.

“Hehehe did I say that ...” he qas clearly growing nervous, _it’s so cute to see him like this_ the smaller boy told himself.

“What I meant to say was” after a small break he continued “Why would anyone want to hurt you?” it sounded half question, half statement.

“Because I’m small and I don’t meet expectations” he avoided his, he expected a mean comment from the other, or being kicked or punched as he saw how vulnerable he was, but he was surprised when that boy wrapped his arms around him.

“That’s terrible, picking on somone just because of that” he patted his back as the smaller one cried harder. He never knew he was holding in those tears until that day, but he cried and cried and cried, and to his surprise the other never left him.

The sun was starting to go down once he calmed down, both of them got back on their feet and prepared to leave.

“I’m Shuichi, Shuichi Saihara from Spring Field Academy, and you are ...?” he asked as he brough his hand in fornt of them. The smaller one gave a small smile and shook Shuichi’s hand “Ouma. Kokichi Ouma from Imperial Capital’s High School”

“Well, Ouma-kun ...” he blushed a bit “Would you like to ... be my friend?”

He found it rather cute that he was asking him that “Why wouldn’t I want to be friends with my beloved Saihara-chan?” Shuichi blushed harder at that, first because he was called his beloved, like they were in a relation, which Shuichi really wanted to; second, did he really had to use ‘chan’, Shuichi knew his voice was femenine but, it was still a bit embarrassing

The sky began turning dark “It’s getting late, are you heading home Ouma-kun”

“I can’t, I’m not allowed in my house today ...” Shuichi wanted to ask why, but seeing Ouma’s face gave him a feeling that he shouldn’t ask.

“Well then, you can crash at my house today, its no problem” Shuichi hadn’t really planned to offer him that, its not like he didn’t want to but he didn’t want to look like he wanted Ouma for himself, and the thought made blush once again.

“Y-You mean it ... I really can?” he nodded.

“T-Thank you, Shaihara-chan” that smile ... Shuichi felt someting Pierce his heart, metaphorically, that smile he showed Shuichi was just the most adorable smile he had ever seen.

Both walked towards Shuichi’s house, hand in hand. Kokichi was so happy that he had made a new friend that he didn’t notice Shuichi taking a picture with his phone of his happy face. The two kept goin, as neither knew that the love that was sprouting between the two would be strong enough to survive even the most awful of brainwashes.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's it everyone, this has been my first fanfiction that I've written.  
> Sorry if there are some typos or stuff like that, I am still trying to figure out how AO3 works, for example, when I tried to post the story I had to spend a good 45 minutes fixing it since it got all messed up, until I realized I had the wrong text setting -.-  
> I do hope that everyone enjoyed this SaiOuma I wrote, I'll try to write another story whenever I have the time.  
> Comments are appreciated and I love reading and responding to them, even if its comments about typos or ways I could improve my writting.  
> Thank you all for watching, hope you have a good day.


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